My Quest to Become a Godly Woman
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Recently I have been asked to write an article on raising strong females. The thought of it made me laugh. I’ve been trying to figure out how to raise females with a gentle and quiet spirit. I have three daughters (ages 10, 6, and 4) and they tend to be more like me: quick to speak; slower to listen, very opinionated, and usually at the center of the action. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Over the years I have had much time to consider the attributes of a godly woman. I have been blessed by the influence of many in different seasons of my life. It began with my own mother—a warm, loving, generous, and humble woman with an unwavering faith. Even in the midst of severe trials and heartbreak, she showed me what it looks like to lean into your faith and cling to your Savior. She taught me how humility perseveres to the end.
It seemed as though many women had been granted qualities that I had not been given.
Our church family was another avenue in which I was able to observe and be blessed by godly women. I have been able to watch women who are so different from myself be used for God’s glory to bless those around them. They minister to one another and their families in hundreds of seemingly insignificant ways that easily go unnoticed.
I watched these women make a meal for a family in their time of need, offer an encouraging word to those going through a trial, and pour themselves into the children of the congregation. As a result, the body of Christ was strengthened. I would watch in fascination at their seemingly effortless patience, kindness, and long-suffering. It seemed as though many had been granted qualities that I had not been given.
I looked at many of the qualities I had that were actually quite helpful while I was in the corporate sales world and wished I could exchange them for gifts more fit for God’s kingdom. I wondered when I would become godlier, and in doing so, the seeds of doubt and unworthiness were planted by the enemy. When allowed to take root, these thoughts can not only make us insecure, but keep us from pursuing ways to serve.
We can let the enemy plant seeds of doubt and unworthiness in us.
Here is some of what Scripture says regarding godly women:
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates. (Prov. 31:28-31; see also vv. 10-27)Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. (Titus 2:3-5)
When I read those words, I often feel a weight on my shoulders. Or a word of condemnation over my head because much of who I am is so far from that description. We all know there has been no human being before or after Jesus who is perfect, but as I considered the women in my circle whom I admired, they seemed a lot closer to the picture of a Proverbs 31 wife than I did. They were, by nature, meeker. Being slower to speak came naturally to them. Many of them hadn’t started a career before they began their families. They didn’t seem to struggle with the longing to work outside the home.
While I often felt like I was waking up to a perpetual Groundhog Day as a stay-at-home mom, these women seemed blissfully content with their duties within the home. Most didn’t seem to have a Type-A personality that desired projects to organize or people to delegate tasks to. They didn’t spend years subconsciously looking for the gold star to earn. They didn’t secretly miss the recognition from peers for their talents or hard work. At the same time I felt all of these feelings, I also felt completely happy with my role as a wife and mother. I knew how fortunate I was to be able to stay at home with my children. It left me feeling like I was sometimes two people trapped in one body—but still never enough.
So, where do I land then on the spectrum of godliness? In God’s tender-loving grace and mercy, he has shown me that it just isn’t that cut-and-dry. As I would secretly beat myself up over enjoying taking charge and being too outspoken, feeling like I didn’t have that “gentle and quiet spirit” in a zillion other ways, God was at work—just as he always is. He sees fit to use us and our unique attributes for the advancement of his kingdom as he sanctifies us along the way, which is amazing grace indeed.
I made myself busy doing things I enjoyed, and the church was strengthened by them.
Over the years I have been able to discover and hone skills within the church that I could use to serve the body. I began hosting events in my home. I coordinated the women’s events for the church. I facilitated things like retreats, Vacation Bible School, and annual feasts. I happily went about with my clipboard and to-do list while noting what needed to be done. The ability to be used in these ways called upon the very qualities I had been telling myself to suppress. I made myself busy doing things I enjoyed and that came easily to me—and the church was strengthened by them.
I remember a conversation with my pastor in which I felt like I was kind of “cheating” because the ways in which I served were so fun and easy. He looked at me with an amused expression and said there were no extra points to be earned by finding ways to serve in which it felt like hard work. Quite the opposite. God has blessed us all with different gifts, and that is why the body of Christ can work so well together—all for God’s glory and the advancement of his kingdom.
For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness. (Rom. 12:4-8)
My dear sisters, stop trying to fit into your imaginary mold of the “godly woman.” Pursue holiness, find ways to serve our good God by using gifts he has already given you, and give yourself grace along the way. We all are, and will always be, a work in progress until we reach our final home.
This article was originally published on August 17, 2020.
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